second post 2011

I was actually pretty excited to start the acting class, admittedly. Last year I wouldn't have been into it in the slightest but it's more fun for me. It's not as hard in a way, there's no overthinking, I just kind of do it. And to lose myself in that sense is fun, and releasing. It's also entertaining to watch the freshman, because I feel their pain. The reason I felt uncomfortable my first is because I thought too much. But now I realize it's more about instinct in most cases, and it's nice. I like it. I'm excited for more classes. Now that I feel more comfortable, I'm up for pretty much anything. Almost. I think.

I'm also enjoying STAC art. I like that there's no boundaries. I think the result is better that way. I'm almost finished with mine and I'm already proud of it. This is going to be a good year. Probably.

today

I wasn't sure what to expect out of today's activity but I was pleasantly surprised. To be honest, I don't think I really learned anything new about myself because I was just listing things I knew I liked. I don't really like too many things so it really wasn't a challenge coming up with them. However, I had asked Ilana to interpret my part of the mural and just by looking at it she said "It looks likes you don't want to bother anyone else because you made yours so small." I didn't really notice that, but it was true. That's one of the reasons why I enjoyed doing this. I wanted to capture as much of me as I could on that wall because I know that this is going to be somewhat permanent and when I come back to visit I want to see and remember how I was as a 17 year old. So I think in that way the project was a bit different for me. I didn't figure out anything really new about myself, and that's not what I wanted to take out of it, instead I wanted to be as sure as possible with myself and basically throw it all up on the wall. That's why this is so special to me. I want to document everything that's going on with me right now as much as possible and this mural only helped, and for that I thank you. So don't ever paint over it. Ever. Please.

Last day of Workshops

Well, in a few hours will be my last workshop with Reed. I missed the last Jim Bonnie workshop so I'm happy that I will attending this one.

The last workshop I got a lot of positive feedback on my really rough draft so I'm kind of excited for everyone to read the final product. I still don't think it's perfect given the time constriction but I think it's decent. At first I was a bit apprehensive about writing anything mystery just because I had never done it, or at least without realizing it, but I'm pretty proud of myself. Hopefully everyone will like it. Or at least tell me they like it.

I don't want to summarize the whole experience until it's over so for now this is what you get.

Good morning.

mo' workshops

Jim Bonnie: I have to admit I didn't really commit myself to the last Jim Bonnie workshop. I was having a really, really, good day for the first time in awhile and I really didn't want to shake up my emotions and ruin it for myself. When I come out of the workshop I don't necessarily feel sad, but I don't feel happy either. I really didn't want to release anything because I didn't feel I had anything to release. That's a lie, I think everyone always has something to release I just didn't want to ruin my good day. But I'm sure by Wednesday I'll want to release. I have a research paper due Tuesday which I haven't really gotten ahead on yet. Oh well.

Reed: I'm kind of apprehensive to share my story with everyone. I didn't really know what to expect out of everyone's stories but they were all really good, which is intimidating. Hopefully they'll like mine and it'll make sense and I won't feel inadequite. We will soon find out.

Workshop(s) #2

Today was my second Bonnie experience and I feel the same way I felt last week: confused. I felt relaxed but anxious at the same. I haven't decided if that's a good feeling or not. I'll get back to you. I feel so worn out and drained. But calm. I'll get back to you.

I'm cautiously excited for the next few weeks.

I wish I had more to say about today but thinking about it confuses me. In a stable way. I'll get back to you.

I'm really enjoying the Mystery writing workshop with Reed. I've never attempted to write a mystery story, or atleast never intentionally. It's kind of exciting and different for me. I haven't written a lot lately mostly out of laziness and junior year but this has kind of gotten me back into the swing of things. I forgot how much I enjoyed writing and how much I get out of what I write. It's nice to do something for myself again besides watching Bravo. This alone made the workshop worth it, I doubt this'll be the only thing I take away from the workshop but if it is then that's perfectly fine because I have rekindled my romance with writing once again.

workshop numero uno

The first thing I heard about Jimmy Bonney was that he was going to make me cry. It was a success.

I wasn't sure what the workshop entailed, I figured it was some sort spiritual experience from what everyone was telling me. Which I guess it was in a sense. I was explicity told to not try and explain what we did today and I don't think I could.

When I walked out of the workshop I felt overwelmed, like I didn't really know what to feel. I still feel odd. I can't explain it. I really can't explain anything about the workshop: what we did or how I feel about it.

Excited for next week.

workshop numero uno

I was a little apprehensive when I found out that I was going to be writing/learning about mystery novels. At first I just kind of put mystery/crime/thriller novels into one category (books with detectives and murder). Half way through the lesson I reailzed technically every fiction book falls into "crime". Every book that has some sort plot twist or death or mystery is considered such. I mostly read non-ficton but I'm excited and open to new forms of literature.

My favorite crime book is definetly "American Psycho" by Bret Easton Ellis. And I am for sure taking concepts from that book and using them in my chapter assignment.

I think this'll be good for me to learn. I haven't really written much in awhile so I'm hoping that I'll this'll get me back on track.

I think the most challenging aspect of the assignment is that we're just writing a first chapter to a novel. I feel the need to sum everything up into a short story. I want the reader to know the whole story without reading the whole story but that's not usually what a first chapter of a book entails. We'll see.

This should be interesting.

Back

This is nice. I haven't posted in two weeks due to the vacation. It's nice to post again.

Ok.

This past week we watched Winter's Bone, a movie I wanted to see ever since I saw Dana Carvey host SNL this season. It's my favorite movie we've watched this year for sure. It seems as though I gravitate more towards the newer films, I don't know. I think there's just more a sense of presentness to them, makes it more relatable for me.

The thing about Winter's Bone is that it was so different from our lives. We all have our problems, some bigger than others, but none of our problems (I'm assuming) are to the extent of Ree's. It puts my life into perspective. It's not that it makes me feel better about my life, but upset that this happens. This is someone's reality. I was genuinely scared throughout the movie for that reason.

It was also knowing that Ree's life wasn't going to get better. That was a week of her life. But she still has to struggle. She's not going anywhere because she has to raise her family and she's going to be spending the rest of her life raising her family, unless her brother and sister leave and make something of themselves but by that time it could be too late for her. It's not fair. There's no solution. Usually when I watch a movie there's an obvious solution and when it happens I feel relieved but I just felt worse. I almost wanted them to lose their house just so they could lose it all and go on their separate ways. It's not fair.

Workshops

I think today was my favorite workshop we've had so far.

I liked going on "assignments" and figuring things out for myself: working through the sun, people, and cold. It was nice to apply what I have learned, felt like I learned something.

It was interesting to hear all your stories.

And to learn about the different techniques used in different situations.

I'm hoping that the mime pictures came out OK and that one of them makes it into the year book.

If not it's OK. But it would be nice.

There's only one workshop left to go and I'm sad to be done with it but I feel like I've learned alot and am really thankful I can be in a program like this one. Thank you.

more

On Friday we learned about how to work with natural light as opposed to artificial light, which was interesting. This will most definitely be useful in the future. I need to start taking photos. At some point. I'm happy to know that my photos will look more professional-like.

I learned that certain positions are more flattering on the model such as shooting slightly down and obviously to avoid doing the opposite. I also learned how to shoot in harsh natural light and soft natural light.

It was interesting to learn that laying your model on the floor could be more flattering. I would've thought the opposite.

What else.

I'm still really excited to learn more.

And for the project.

And shoot more.

And be apart of the workshops.

Thank and good nite.

workshop

Today was fun.

I got to be backdrop girl and wear a headdress.

I really feel like I'm learning a lot. I don't want to be repetitive. But I will be.

It's still interesting to me how resourceful one can be. We used hangers and blankets in place of necessary equipment. And they worked just as well. I'm assuming.

I learned today that the further the back drop is the darker the background. Vise versa.

And more techniques on how to create certain types of light.

I wish I had more to say besides that I'm really excited to learn more and that I'm really enjoying the seminars. But I don't want to ramble about that. That's not worth reading. Neither were these last two sentences.

See you Friday.

workshop/weekly blog

They would've been similar anyways so why not combine the two?

OK:

I'm really enjoying the seminars. I feel like I'm learning a lot of useful techniques that will help me in the future. I like how things make sense now. I always wondered why my pictures came out gray. And now I know why. I don't know if my dinky Sony has any sort of function to fix it but I'll look it up now that I know technical terms.

I liked talking about the effects of lighting and how it changes a photo's emotional value isn't something one usually thinks about when taking a photo. I'm happy that I can get more out of my photos now. It doesn't just have to be taking a new Facebook profile picture for a friend. Yeah, I know.

It's also nice to know the functions of the buttons on the camera. I only knew zoom and flash. Now I feel like I'm getting my monies worth.

Usually when I take a photo it's just to capture a memory, not so much for an artful reason. I don't know maybe I'll start experimenting with a camera to try and create something. Hm.

I've been trying to come up with ideas for the group project. I haven't thought of anything I feel is worth it. I know I want to do something with lighting, but again, nothing comes to mind. I'll keep thinking.

I'm really excited to learn (more).

Work Shop

Good morning.

I really enjoyed the workshop. I wasn't sure what to expect, so I suppose it exceeded my expectations. I liked it. I like Rob.

Today, or technically yesterday, we learned about lighting techniques. It was interesting. I've never really thought about how lighting could effect a picture. Just by moving the light to one side or putting it behind a screen makes a huge difference. Ashley modeled as we experimented the different techniques. It was surprising how different each shot was. What was more surprising was how easy it was. These are things, for lack of a functional brain and not wanting to use the word "techniques" again, that I can use for the rest of my life. Not only if I (hopefully) work in advertising but just when I'm taking pictures with friends. I'm excited to learn.

My goal is just to learn as much as possible. Get as much out of the workshop as I can. I'm lucky I get to work with a professional. I want to advantage.

Rob Goldman

His work is beautiful.

I just got finished stalking him.

I read the bios, looked at the pictures, saw the projects.

Incredible.

Each picture looks so simply done but there's something that catches your eye on all of them. They all look like they have some sort of deeper meaning. I feel the picture. The emotions are caught so well, it's moving. Particularly in 'Gabe and Eli' and the photos of the children doing art. I don't know, kids make me cry.

That's what I like most about his pictures. The emotion. This is me transitioning to his book. Rob has a book out about finding oneself and ones passion using spiritual techniques, art, and Eastern and Western philosophies. He says the world doesn't change around us, we do. I like that. Because ultimately you control yourself, and that's something most people don't realize. He strives to not only make himself better, but others around him. The passion he has for his work is inspiring. I really hope that one day I can do something I love just as much it seems he does. I'm excited.

One day I want to get paid for my opinions.

Sisters we still are.

I was sad. I was bad.

Excuses I won't continue to make to you.

I hope I still fit the criteria of what it takes to be your twin.

I'm sorry.

I don't write poems, you should know that.

I'm not as good with words as you, you know that.

I'm sorry.

I never left.

I don't want you to think I did.

Take me back because that's what I want.

That's what you want.

I'm sorry.

Quickie

Hi, hello. I'm trying to think and type as quickly as possible because I have desperately have to study for my math midterm. Or else.

OK let me see, let me see: this quarter felt shorter than the first one. And in about a week or so we will officially be done with the first half of the school year. Meaning I am closer to being done with the SATs and trigonometry. Hallejuah.

I think this week was much needed. We got to relax and watch Break Away and a two hour delay. Nothing wrong with that.

Break Away is definitely my favorite movie that we've watched so far. I liked breaking it down. In English we were breaking down an episode of the Simpsons and one of the kids in my class complained that he didn't like to think while he watched the show and prefers to just melt into his chair and drool. I understand that television is for entertainment. But I feel without "thinking" while watching you lose so much. I get more out of it when I figure things out, especially when watching the Simpsons, it makes the show funnier.

How do you even stop thinking? Can that happen?

I'm excited for third quarter because it is impossible for it to be worse than the second quarter. I'm looking forward to learning. So long.

P.S. I was wondering if it was possible for me to write my my 365 down in a journal and then transfer it at the end of the week or something. If that's OK.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

So, uh. It's kind of been awhile since I've posted on this. Vacation, illness, life, etc gets in the way sometimes. But I'm here now if you want me to be. Yes? You do? Ok.

A few days ago was STAC Live, my very first one in fact. It was fun. I think for the most part the reaction from the audience was good, although not everyone there was respectful. That's ok though, not everyone is going to like what you're doing, nor is everyone always going to like you. No problem. I just wish some of the comments could have been kept silent but again: no problem.

Due to my being sick I couldn't participate in STAC Live as much as planned. Contrary to what you may have thought I didn't mind being in the dance. I would've preferred to not be in it and I guess ultimately I got my wish. Anytime something is asked of me that I'm not really comfortable with I still do. In the end I know it'll make me better. I'm sure there would be some circumstances where I would probably have to object but that would be something extreme. No I'm not going to think of an example because I'm just not feeling that clever tonight. Sorry.

On every season of America's Next Top Model there would be a "makeover" episode where they would get all new haircuts and a label for their style. There would always be that one girl who would cry about how much she loves her long hair and doesn't want to dye it, even if it made her look 10x better. When I think about that it helps me when I'm put in situations that I don't want to be in, i.e. dancing, because I know in the end it would make me more comfortable with myself, etc. I know the deal, I know I'm awkward, I know you're trying to change that. Good luck.

And thank you Tyra.